Bullshit

Future Suck

Author: January 9, 2009

Once again we’re hearing a lot about how newspapers are probably going the way of the Dodo, and folks seem pretty confused and alarmed by the prospect. And once again I am underwhelmed. I am also under-alarmed by the demise of our auto industry, the advance of e-book readers,  and just about any other new technology-slash-economic condition that threatens a well-established sector of the world.

Behind all of this hand-wringing is, of course, fear; but not fear of a world without newspapers, really. At its core it’s a fear of the unknown. We’ve all grown up with, say, newspapers in our lives. They’re familiar and comfortable, and even folks who haven’t bought a newspaper in their lives are used to having them around. Imagining a world without newspapers is difficult, because we’ve never existed in such a world. It’s easy, then, to imagine that such a world will be worse than the current one, simply because we, as a species, don’t like change.  Especially change we have no control over.

Whatever will happen to journalism without newspapers to uphold standards? I suspect new standards will evolve and be upheld, and within a few decades there will be a couple of silver-maned Blogs or web sites that will have taken on some of the burnished air of the respected old source. Newspapers, after all, went through a pretty lengthy period of being unreliable, gossip-mongering pieces of yellow journalism, and even today there are plenty of 20th-century media islands that appear to be run by their owners with something less than journalistic integrity at their heart. So why in the world can’t Blogs do the same job, just without the costly and messy paper delivery model?

It’s just fear. The American auto industry has made some bad decisions, and bad cars, for a while now, and their business model is looking grim. Meh. What about a world without American-made cars? I’m no economist so I’ll take everyone’s word that this would have dire consequences for our economy and long-term survival as a nation, but I wonder if it has to be these companies. Why not a different company? A new company? I mean, there’s sober economic analysis that tells you we must preserve what’s left of our large manufacturing base. And then there’s simple fear where people imagine a world where Ford doesn’t exist and get all squirrelly about it, for no better reason than because it’s been there for their entire lifetime.

A sunny attitude for someone who writes about dystopias, I suppose. I guess I don’t have much faith that civilization will survive indefinitely, and I see Thunderdome in our future – I just don’t see it coming because the newspapers go away, is all.

Bullshit, Deep Thoughts & Pronouncements

What should Jeff Read?

Author: January 6, 2009

Let’s say you received a gift card to a big-box bookstore for the holidays, and you’re mulling over the empire of books you’re gonna buy for FREE! MUHAHAHA! FREE! FREE!

Ahem. Let’s say. Now let’s say  you gaze at your pile of unread books and realize you’ve been going pretty heavy on the history and the old, early-20th century fiction, and light on the recent melt-yer-brain SF/F. What would you buy to rectify this situation? Feel free to comment or email your thoughts. I’d appreciate a groupthink on this one, as I don’t want to waste my gift card. And I waste things so easily.

Thanks!

J

Bullshit

Some Stats

Author: January 4, 2009

Ah, the first week of January, a traditional moment for soul-searching and self-evaluation.

So, first, the little gonzo novel-writing experiment: I’m 19,000 words in, which means, unbelievably, I’m more or less on schedule. And this with the big welter of wasted time that is the holidays right smack in the middle. Is it any good? Well, I don’t think it sucks, but the jury’s out until it’s over.

Second, short story submissions: Those of you who have, inexplicably, been keeping up with this site for more than a year may recall I posted last year about my SS subs. In 2008 I only managed 37 submissions, with one sale. That’s a crappy number of subs, actually, but I’m limited by increasing turn-around times, my own incompetence and laziness, and increasing amount of projects. My goal is always to hit about 75 subs. Now, I force myself to write a short story a month, so I never lack for material to submit, but of course forcing yourself to write a story a month doesn’t necessarily mean you’re writing good stories, as many, many beleaguered editors I’ve submitted to can attest. I know some writers wait for really good ideas to hit them, then write a kick-ass story they labor over for years, then submit it to select markets. If I tried that, I’d have written about 2 stories over my entire life. Just how I’m wired.

Besides, if I did that I wouldn’t have these amusing little posts about numbers, would I?

Rock on.

Bullshit, More Shit I Gotta Do

Year of Everyone’s a Superhero

Author: January 2, 2009

There’s been a lot of chatter these days about “real-life superheroes (RLSH)”, with essays on Boing Boing and recently in Rolling Stone. Who the hell introduces this stuff into the atmosphere to infect and ruin people, I don’t know, but thank goodness.

Anyway, whilst lurking over at Nick Mamatas‘ Livejournal page, he posted about all this here. Which got me thinking. Hell, we’re living in science fiction now, aren’t we? We could all be superheroes, if we wanted. And if we had nothing better to do, didn’t mind a lot of pain and the risk of early death, and if we didn’t fear prison.

Why not? As some have pointed out before me, The Batman doesn’t have any magic, he’s just got billions of dollars and a martial arts discipline beyond belief. If any of us could afford to have those wonderful doohickies designed, tested, and mass produced, we could also be destroying $1.5 million in property while apprehending a single mugger.

In many many ways we’ve entered a period in history where technology is rapidly granting powers and abilities to folks who in years past would have been denied such things. From the mundane (self-publishing, personal computers) to the amazing (genetic manipulation, face transplants), we’re living in a time when a lot of stuff that used to be wild fantasy is becoming hard reality – why not superheroes? It makes sense. Vigilantism has always existed; now it can be combined with all sorts of James Bondian tech and powerful communication grids.

And, apparently, silly costumes: What’s amazing about a lot of the “real life superheroes” is the fact that while they may seem perfectly serious about helping their communities and fighting crime in practical, effective ways, they also seem waayyyy too eager to put on a Halloween costume while doing it. Why? I don’t know. The costumes invariably look ridiculous, can’t possibly serve any practical purpose, and open up the “hero” to mockery and humiliation. I mean, a man wearing jeans and a T-shirt, wielding a tire-iron, breaks up a mugging? Hero. A man in a latex home-sewn suit designed to look like a frog or something, wielding a tire-iron painted green, breaks up a mugging? A freak who did something heroic.

Of course, I may simply be jealous, as my only plausible alter-ego would be Whiskey Man, who douses varmints with liquor until they pass out. And my costume choices are not good. And plus also too my physical training is, uh, a little sub-par, and no one likes to see a superhero slumped against an alley wall, weeping and clutching his side and whining about a stitch.

Bullshit

Happy New Year

Author: December 31, 2008

Happy New Year, everyone. Wanted to get that in before I’m, er, overserved. Let’s do our best to make sure 2009 is nothing like the Sci Fi we write and read, ‘kay?

L

J

Bullshit

Catching Up

Author: December 29, 2008

So, back in the welcoming arms of New Jersey. Travel sucks, and unpacking is the tiny boil on the tip of it all. Crap is just piled everywhere.

And even in this gilded age of Living in the Future, with its sexy wireless Internet available just about everywhere, I am still about six hundred years behind in my correspondence. Although this is partially because I am a jackass. There are two things that are me-centric that I want to post, though:

1.  The fine folks at Fantasy Book Critic asked me to give them an idea of what I read in 2008, and what was coming for me in 2009, and that’s been posted. Check out my sad reading habits!

2. Pat’s Fantasy Hotlist named The Digital Plague #13 on their SFF Top 10 of 2008, which is damned cool.

Wo0t!

Once I have regained some sanity here I’ll start posting my important thoughts on the world and writing and single malt whiskey and, naturally, cats and pantslessness. Cats and Pantslessness, coming to you in 2009.

L

J

BAM!, Bullshit

Writing on the Road

Author: December 26, 2008

Okay, since that last entry I’ve a) had about six gallons of coffee and b) had a shower so hot things melted. As a result, I’m feeling somewhat better. I’m not a very good traveler, as anyone who’s read The inner Swine can tell you; I’m a whiny and unappreciative tourist. Here’s a sample of what it’s like to travel with me:

YOU: Look, Jeff, the Sistine Chapel!

ME: Bugger.

See? Not fun. I freely admit to being a terrible traveler. Add in traveling for the holidays, and damn, my ass, it is kicked. Because after hours on planes, trains, and automobiles, I then stand around for sixteen hours or so eating heavy food and drinking whiskey in random bursts. I know, I know – good food and booze, friends and family, poor Jeff. I get that kind of sarcastic response a lot.

Trying to write on the road is weird. On the one hand you’ve got lots of time constraints – right now I’ve got about half an hour before The Duchess gets back from her run and Round Two of Extended Family Holiday Extravaganza begins. On the other hand, I work well with time constraints. The less time I have the more I produced, and vice versa. On the one hand, I also don’t get a lot of time to just sit and ponder plot points et al, but on the other hand there’s a wealth of observable material that differs tremendously from what you’re used to seeing.

And then, there’s hotels.

I love hotels. Which is weird, since I just went out of my way to complain about traveling, of which hotels are often a necessary part. But hotels are great for writing, especially old hotels with lots of history and architectural detail. The older the better, in fact, for writing science fiction, I think, because they’re like time machines, giving you a glimpse into the past and also standing as testament that just because you’re writing a story set in the future, you don’t need to assume everything’s been destroyed and replaced, which some writers do. You see a lot of future fiction where the world has apparently been scrubbed clean and everything replaced with shiny new versions, when in reality it’s probably the opposite: A lot of very old things, like ancient hotels, just retrofitted, applied to new uses, and lingering there with their aura of old, old charm, the ghosts of the past howling about silently.

That, and the fact that I can get anything delivered to my room with a phone call. Hotels rock. I tried that back at home and got a sneer from The Duchess for my troubles.

Happy Holidays, everyone, and if these ain’t your holidays, happy Friday.

Bullshit, Writing

Snow Day

Author: December 19, 2008

Kids, I dunno where you live, but here in Hoboken located in the northeastern United States, we’re expecting a lot of snow sometime today. Which means that I will be shoveling until I collapse and fall asleep in a drift, leaving to fate whether I am discovered by neighbors in time.

I grew up around here, so I’ve been shoveling snow my entire life. Even when I went away to college and rented for a while, I usually had to shovel around my car quite a bit in order to free it. When The Duchess and I bought a house a few years ago I cleverly selected a rowhouse which has only 12.5 feet of sidewalk in front of it, thus limiting my legal liability for shoveling snow (my parents instilled in me a great fear of the Random Meanspirited Lawsuit stemming from some poor soul slipping in front of your property). Unfortunately my Sainted Mother still lives in the house I grew up in, a mere 15 minute walk away, and thus I get to shovel her sidewalk every time it snows too. And she lives on a corner lot. With a driveway.

My frail physical condition aside, the main question is one of gear: Sure, it’ll be cold out, but snow weather always seems warmer than it actually is (or maybe that’s a tumor making me feel that way, who knows?) and once I get a real wheezing sweat going, being bundled up can become swampy and uncomfortable. And frequent nips from my Survival Flask will only worsen that condition, as I dehydrate and actually lower my core temperature while the alcohol makes me feel otherwise. All this leads inexorably and unfortunately to me shoveling snow with no pants on, in order to stay cool.

There: A shocking glimpse into my personal life. Aren’t you glad you stopped by? And if you live in the area, for god’s sakes come help me shovel. I’ll pay you in unbought copies of Lifers.

J

Bullshit

1000 Words a Day

Author: December 18, 2008

Last night I was examining the sadly shrinking wet bar here at the Somers Compound, and pondering the ravages of time. This time of year I’m always faced with this dilemma: Everyone I know is well aware of my love for whiskey, so every holiday I am bound to receive several really nice bottles of the Good Stuff. So every year begins with Jeff rolling around on the floor clutching bottles to his chest, laughing in joy.

But by the end of the year I’m low and hesitate to buy my own, because I don’t know what I’ll be getting from well-meaning loved ones. So I hem and haw and wait to see. And ponder how in the world I drank all that whiskey during the year (well, of course we know how, the question is, how did I survive? That’s a lot of whiskey).

Anyway, this somehow has driven me to try and write a novel in the next few weeks. All that thinking about time made me realize that I have a very thin period of downtime over the coming weeks, and I decided that hell or high water I was going to accomplish something. So, 1000+ words a day it is, and we’ll just see how it goes.

I’ve never done something like this before – never tried NaNoWriMo or anything. I’ve never had any trouble putting words on paper, and generally prefer a more hippie-ish we get there when we get there kind of attitude when it comes to writing. But I do like to shake things up every now and then, changing my mechanics a little. I get into ruts where writing books becomes a fixed process, and that erodes inspiration, so every few years it’s good to try something different – a different schedule, different approach, whatever. So, something new: I’m going to write 1000 words or more in a novel, every day (though I should note: not an Avery Cates novel, a separate wholly personal project). Why not? It should be fun. Or soul-crushing. We’ll see.

If it gets soul-crushing, at least the posts on this blog will be interesting. Especially after the holidays, when delivery of gifts of spirits will make my endrunkening easier.

J

Bullshit, Writing