Jeff Somers writes so you don't have to.

Born in Jersey City, New Jersey, as a child he imagined he would be a brain surgeon, until a spirit-crushing experience convinced him that in order to be a brain surgeon he would have to actually attend school, work hard, and master basic mathematics. After a severe head trauma, he chose instead to write stories and learn the high art of cocktail mixing, and spent the next twenty years in a pleasant haze of fiction and booze. He is the creator of the zine The Inner Swine, and the author of the books Lifers, The Freaks are Winning, The Electric Church, and The Digital Plague, not to mention numerous short stories.

He currently lives in Hoboken, NJ, with his lovely wife Danette and their plump, imperious cats Pierre, Oliver, Guenther, and Spartacus. Jeff insists the cats would be delicious.

In-between all this and writing too, Jeff plays chess and staves off despair with cocktails.

Welcome!

Believe it or not, this web site was coded by Helper Monkeys. No, really. You can order a Helper Monkey over the Internets these days, believe it or not, and they're generally smarter than many humans. Smarter than me, certainly. I have a team of four Helper Monkeys, and they work in 12-hour shifts to create and maintain the web sites gathered under the Somers Imperium Empire, as I like to think of my little writing career.

The best part is, you can pay Help Monkeys in liquor. While this does affect the quality of the web pages they deliver, they're still miles ahead of what I'd manage on my own.

If you're interested in my books or my zine, click on the links above, or send me an email! Why not? If you're concerned about my Helper Monkeys, send bottles of booze.