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Fun with Reviews

Author: April 17, 2008

Okay, so a little ego surfing today yielding the following trail through the heaven and hell of being a writer. First off, we stumbled across Wred Fright’s review of The Digital Plague. Full disclosure: Wred’s a zine acquaintance so we dig each other’s musky odors and cocky strut from the get go, but he does say

“Fans of Somers’s longtime zine The Inner Swine will find much to like here, as will any devotee of cliffhanger thrills, futuristic action, brutal humor, and thought-provoking commentary on the future of society and technology.”

Huzzah! At the same time, I came across a comment on a bulletin board that sported what will become the slogan of my nightmares for some months to come, found here [emphasis mine, because I enjoy taunting myself]:

“I’ve just finished The Electric Church by Jeff Somers. It is the shittest book I’ve read since Punktown by Jeffery Thomas.“

BOO-YA, now that is what an author likes to come across. It’s like going down to the kitchen to get a glass of water in the middle of the night and stepping on a broken glass! I’m thinking of having mugs and T-shirts made up.

Ah, but the universe, she is merciful as well as cruel, because my ego-Googling also turned this awesome review of TEC in The New Straits Times, which is out of freakin’ Malaysia, boyos:

“A brilliant novel within its genre.”

So we’ve just been through all of life’s emotions in one blog post. Some wonder why I insist on pointing out things like the middle review; I think I simply enjoy Schadenfreude wherever I find it, even if I find it in me.

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Mashups

Author: April 14, 2008

I’ve been on an incredible mashup kick with songs. Something about combining disparate styles and attitudes grabs me – I can’t easily explain it; but put The Beatles and Metallica together in a song and I’m in love. And a lot of rap or pop songs I’ve hated suddenly become immensely catchy once they’re paired up with a good guitar riff and some Bonham-level drums, you know?

What can I say? I have a pretty pedestrian palate. When it comes to wine, I can rarely tell the good stuff from the vinegar, and so far have met very few bottles I didn’t find something to like about, even if my epiphany didn’t come until I was two glasses in. Subtleties just escape me, unfortunately. I’m pretty basic, and that goes for music as well. My brother has an encyclopedic knowledge of classical music and while he can appreciate a hot pop gem on the radio, he’s kind of horrified at my general musical peasantry, and who can blame him? A three-chord riff, a good honest backbeat, and lyrics about screwing and I’m a happy man. Anything more than that is just frippery, as far as I’m concerned.

I never said I was proud.

I’m also lazy, so while I’d like to find all sorts of new music to ooh and aah over and call my precious, I’m damned slow and useless about actually finding new music. I listen to some Internet radio. I tried Satellite radio but found it a little overwhelming–I’m lazy, remember? I don’t want to sift through 500 channels searching for one goddamn eclectic station I like.

A year or so ago someone sent me a CD in the mail with a bunch of songs they liked, and I actually found one or two of them pretty cool, and it reminded me of the old mixtapes I used to make and receive back in The Day. This was before MP3s, so it was me and friends with our double-deck cassette racks, making 120-minute mixes for each other, timed to perfection, complete with liner notes. When I made new friends, say in college, one of the first things that got done was the making of a new mix tape, and I now realize that for years I was getting lots of great leads on music from mix tapes made for me.

Nowadays, no one does that any more. Least not for me.

So, anyone want to trade mix-CDs? I’m down. Send me some songs and I’ll send you a CD back, all random and shit. Why not? Or, you could surf on over to www.muxtape.com and make a muxtape for me (and the world!) and check out mine. We could exchange muxtapes! HUZZAH!

Terrorizing the Airwaves

Author: April 10, 2008

Well, I’ll be appearing on The Joey Reynolds Show again, despite feeling like I was more ridiculous than usual last time. Somehow they’ve decided I was a good guest and asked me back – who knew? The universe is confusing.

I will, of course, be struggling to mention the new book, The Digital Plague, as often as possible, resulting in some amusing outbursts, like this:

JOEY: So, Jeff, you’re from Jersey City originally, yes?

ME: DIGITAL PLAGUE, JOEY!

JOEY: Uh, what?

ME: DIGITAL PLAGUE! DIGI-TAL-PLA-AGUE!

And then I will be removed by security.

Anyways, I’ll be on May 12th at 1AM, which means it’s actually early morning May 13th, on 710AM in NYC and elsewhere in syndication. If you’re awake, tune in and snicker at me. If you can’t stay up that late, no doubt I will have MP3s of my brilliance available for general mockery shortly thereafter.

Wish me luck.

Jeff and Jeof Wrote a Comic, Once

Author: April 6, 2008

Blood and SplendorHey there–some may remember that years and years ago, when I was a little more hip in my music and reading tastes but much less amazing in general, I co-wrote a comic book with old, old friend Jeof Vita (the same man who draws most of the covers for The Inner Swine). The comic was a tie-in to the television series Sliders, which I watched a few times. Jeof worked for the comic publisher that was putting out those tie-in books and thus it was easy to pitch the idea to them. We worked on it for a few months and ta-da! Blood and Splendor was born to comics greatness.

Anyway, the comic has enjoyed a surprisingly long and loving Internet life, as Sliders Fandom is a powerful thing, and a few weeks ago we were contacted by Earthprime.com and asked if we had any notes or information about the comic to pass along for enshrinement. Naturally, I have everything, because Jeff, he don’t throw anything away, hoss. We exchanged a few emails, I burned up the scanner digitizing several dozen pages of circa-1996 genius, and now the article is up on Earth Prime for all to see! I AM FRICKIN FAMOUS, BUBBA! Sort of. Still not listed on Wikipedia, though, so I can’t be that famous, can I?

Brutarian #51

Author: April 5, 2008

Brutarian #51As many of you know, I write a regular column for the magazine Brutarian, which is probably the best magazine out there you can’t easily find on racks. Four bucks an issue to Dom Salemi, 9405 Ulysses Court, Burke, VA 22015.
Aside from my genius column (“The Inner Swine Guide to Ignorance”), there’s a regular column from the hilarious Gene Gregorits and fiction from D. Harlan Wilson and Libby Faucette, and an interview with Joe Hill among others. Damn, you should possess this. For one more reason, in this issue there’s even a really nice review of my novel, The Electric Church. Conflict of interest? Perhaps, but I doubt I’d have gotten a rave just because I write a stinking column for the mag.

“A thrilling, top-notch roller coaster ride filled with all manner of thrills, spills, and chills that, in the process manages to turn the conventions. . .of cyberpunk on its head.”

Huzzah!

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Pantsing

Author: April 5, 2008

It’s a gloomy morning in Hoboken, and while I’m enjoying the nifty little weather icon in my AWN Dock I just installed on my Kubuntu desktop (I lurves the eye candy, even though whenever my friend Jeof Vita sees my desktop he accuses me of secretly wanting a Mac, which infuriates me) the tiny clouds are a little grim to my eye. I’ve been going through a bit of home-improvement fever, too, resulting in much aching and sleepiness. Nothing like wiring up three or four new light fixtures, along with the accompanying drywall repair and painting, to make one feel one’s age.

In the writing front, I’m almost done with the seat-of-my-pants first draft of Avery #3, about 3-4 chapters from the very end. Thus, writing has slowed to a crawl. This always happens to me. I like having a lot of blacktop out in front of me, with vague but blurry ideas of where things are going and lots of room for sudden ideas and twists. Once I get to the very last few inches I generally know exactly what’s going to happen, and actually writing it becomes something of a chore, somehow.

I don’t like to plot out too much, or do outlines, or anything like that. The technical term, I’ve learned, is Pantsing(1). Some people plot, some people write by the seat of their pants, just making it up as they go. I Pants. Plotting just makes me sick, to paraphrase Gene Wilder in Blazing Saddles.

So, 3-4 chapters to go and it’ll probably take me 3-4 years to finish. Just kidding, editors and agents who might be reading this! Damn, I wonder if this is what J.D. Salinger’s been up to for 60 years? One chapter to go and he just can’t bring himself to finish?

Yes, I just brought up Salinger in connection with myself. I am going to be punished. For hubris.

(1)This is appropriate since I spend so much time searching for lost pants, and going about pantsless.

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It’s All Happening

Author: March 31, 2008

Ah, the writing life. The indignities we sensitive artist types have to endure. The slings and arrows of unsatisfied readers, the hell of promotion–it is all ours to enjoy. A few things:

– First off, The Electric Church was involved in Fantasy Book Spot’s 2007 best Of Tournament, and before I even knew clearly what was happening TEC lost 6-1 to Gene Wolfe’s Pirate Freedom. For god’s sake, I was put up against Gene fricking Wolfe. If I’m going to be put up against geniuses – the man wrote The Book of the New Sun, a work I am still struggling to fully comprehend – then I might as well just go home. Damn you all.

But at least I didn’t suffer the indignity that Nick Mamatas suffered in the same tournament.

– Secondly, The Digital Plague, TEC’s sequel, has just been optioned by The Science Fiction Book Club! That totally rocks.

– Finally, I’ll be reading at KGB Bar in Manhattan in August. HUZZAH! Number one, me reading. Number two, me doing something other than heartfelt wishing to promote my own books. Number three, a tavern. Damn–I can get liquored up, stumble to the microphone, pass out, and still get credit for promoting my books! It’s a win-win!

WHEN: August 20th, 2008,
WHERE: KBG Bar, 85 East 4th Street, NY, NY
WHY: Jeff drinks and can only read when drunk

I realize this is a bit early, but naturally, all of you are coming. Simply by reading this post you have agreed to attend this reading. No, seriously–my last reading could politely be described as a debacle, so I will be using all manner of pleading, cajoling, threats and chicanery to get people to come to this one, so you might as well mark your calendar. If I have to slip you a mickey, roll you up in carpet, and drive you there in a van myself, I will. Don’t push me on this.

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We Are Unshelved

Author: March 24, 2008

This is the sort of thing that blows a writer’s mind:

http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080323

My agent sent this along to me this morning, practically shouting in glee. You know, sometimes you try to promote yourself and your books and it’s a lot of drudge work for little or no return -  you send out emails, you make phone calls, you mail out ARCs, all that jazz, and two weeks later it’s like it all went into the dustbin of the universe, unnoticed. Then you wake up one day after having too much to eat the day before, feeling groggy and unfocused, and BAM – there’s a comic strip devoted to your book, read by gazillions of librarians across the country. Huzzah!

…and we’re back

Author: March 22, 2008

In an event that very, very few people noticed, this blog was dark for a few days thanks to an inexplicable technical mishap. Never fear, I upped the Helper Monkey’s booze ration and we’re back online. Please go back to ignoring it. That is all.

Bad Review Contemplations

Author: March 17, 2008

Ego surfing again – very bad habit of mine – and found this interesting rumination on bad reviews which mentions The Electric Church. An interesting quote:

2. Do you temper your feelings about books you didn’t like, so as not to completely slam them? Why or why not?

. . .I also temper them because sometimes I truly see reasons why others may like the book. For instance “The Electric Church” by Jeff Somers. I didn’t like his writing style, or the style/genre of the story. The writing style to me was annoying, but the story style may really appeal to some. I know it would, because I was one of the few that didn’t really like “Altered Carbon” by Richard Morgan. But in sci-fi circles, it is considered a great novel. And it is along some similar lines as “The Electric Church”.

Since I’m generally fascinated by bad reviews of my own work (which aren’t as rare as they should be, dagnabbit) I found this an interesting read. One important thing to remember, sometimes, is that reviewers are people and readers too, and they usually have very good reasons for not liking your work. You don’t have to agree with them, of course, but you should also remind yourself that you’re probably not half as smart and talented as you think you are. Or is that just me? Probably just me.