Living in the Future

First, a side note: As I struggle to learn one stinking solo from AC/DC’s oeuvre and eat a big dish of Fail every day*, I note with glee that the band has a new album due out soon. This Glee is despite the fact that their last album felt like a drunk AC/DC tribute band had been hired at the last minute to mumble through some craptastic tracks, and despite the fact that you’ll only be able to buy the album at fucking Wal Mart or from their web site, for god’s sake.

The reason for the glee is that I actually like the first single, Rock n Roll Train. ¬†Which is surprising, as it’s a dumb song based on a repetitive riff and a loosey group chorus. But then, I just described¬†every single AC/DC song ever, except this one has what the best AC/DC stuff had: Rhythm you can cut glass with and surprisingly complex guitar interactions between the Young brothers. In other words, it’s one of those songs that gets deeper and chunkier every time you listen to it, until suddenly in the year 2019 you wake up with the burning compulsion to learn how to play it.

Anyway, I mention this because there’s a month to go before I can buy the first AC/DC album I’ve bought since 1995’s disappointing Ballbreaker. Thus, you know, the future.

I’m also living in the future, I realize, because while you folks have not yet read Avery Cates #3, I am starting the difficult imagineering of Avery Cates #4. Yet I must pretend, in public, that Avery Cates #3 does not exist, in order to avoid the wrath of my Corporate Masters, who, I assume, have some sort of teh awesoma marketing plan. Or not. I can totally see them handing me a sandwich board on which someone has scrawled BUY ETERNAL PRISON OR WE KILL THIS MAN’S CATS and a bullhorn and being told to get to it.

But, see, I know everything. I know the plot, the twists, the ancillary characters, and where I’m taking them into #4, and here you are waaayyyy behind the curb. It’s like I was standing in the room, eating a sandwich, when the Large Hadron Collidor was switched on and immediately launched into a time loop where I am approximately 9 months in the future, taunting you. Although if that were true I’d already have bought AC/DC’s new album, wouldn’t I?


*I have what scientists call Big Dumb Hands.


  1. akabrady

    You think that’s the future? I’ve already read Avery Ctes #5!
    ** Spoiler **
    The unicorn dies!

    (or maybe it’s just the drugs talking… Ooo! pretty flowers!)

  2. akabrady

    I totally understand big dumb hands. My spelling is a testament to it.

  3. Craig

    Let me get this straight… you write the Avery Cates novels, so you’re living in the future. Therefore, those of us who read the Avery Cates novels are living in the past. Avery Cates lives in the future, but is there with us in the past. When we’re reading your blog posts [you wrote them in the past], we are reading them in the present.

    By Jove, Einstein was right!

  4. jsomers (Post author)

    And also too, I am my own grandfather.

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