Interview with Lil’ Ol’ Me

Yesterday the door to my hotel room was opened and a man in a black suit entered. Without saying a word he set up a complex-looking machine while two of my Minders forced me to sit across from him and roll up one shirt sleeve. They also held the lengthy ZZ-Top style beard I’ve grown out of the way while the man in the black suit hooked me up to the machine. He inspected his work, took out a pad and pencil and clucked to himself in satisfaction.

“That all seems to be in order,” he said. “And now we can begin.” He began asking me questions, recording my answers in shorthand while the machine beeped and booped.

In other words: I’ve been interviewed by Pat over at Pat’s Fantasy Hotlist. I struggled mightily to be coherent and interesting, and got closer than I usually do. Surf on over and check it out!


  1. Patrick

    Hey Jeff!

    Just wanted to tell you that I sold a copy of TEC through my amazon links today. I guess someone enjoyed the interview!:-)

  2. Adam C

    My major in college was Latin. How… useless.

    Tua mater vir est.

  3. Adam C

    I have also read the entire Hitchiker’s Series multiple times. I should probably, most definately, read Dirk Gently. Oh my god, I fear the worst. I’m never going to shave or bathe again, am I?

  4. jsomers (Post author)


    Rawk! Thanks again for having me on your fine blog.


  5. jsomers (Post author)


    1 – Latin ain’t useless. I’ve used it profitbaly twice since High School. I can’t explain how, due to retraining orders.

    2 – Dirk Gently and its sequel, “The Long Drak Tea-Time of the Soul” are fantastic. I highly recommend them. Unlike shaving or bathing.


  6. Dragonsnake

    I start to admire U even more… U R the first person I know about, who recognizes the quality of Dirk. The thing that I adopted from the book was, that when U don’t know the direction, follow someone who looks like he knows where he is going. Some very funny situations happened when I was applying this rule… I was devastated by the dead of Adams. My misery became even bigger when “The Salmon of doubt” was published,and I understand that Adams was working on the 3rd book for Dirk.

    “I had Cates’ voice in my head. The man’s been bitching about things in my head for years. This is one reason why I drink.”

    JS, if this is going to happen to Ur readers, U have to provide the phones of good psychiatrists all around the world, ready to cope the “JS’ syndrome”. Some of us don’t have a Duchess to babysit us… If the impact of getting to know Cates is so strong and life-changing, as it was for U -> creating him, U might expect increase in the adds for butchers, accountants, professional killers, or AA organizations in New York Times…( btw Ur mother is a wise person).

    “Our motto is: Misinformed opinion.”

    I love it. Mind if I borrow it as my signature in the forums I participate ? Since it is in Bulgarian or Greek, U can’t read it, but I can put Ur name (in very very small letters) behind it. Very small, think – unreadable, to protect U from my opponents in discussing sci fi literature. Hope one day U’ll be translated in Bulgarian, so I’ll have the pleasure to “dissect” U together with my friends. Don’t even think knives and blood – I don’t want the ladies fainting and there is nobody to clean the mess…

    “The Ominous and Disreputable Writers who Smoked and Drank Too Much. Want to join?”

    Put Readers in the sentence and count me in.

  7. wargasm

    Hi Jeff,
    I do realise that as a writer you are required to take all compliments with about a tbsp of salt, if not flat out disbelieve them all, but i leave you mine anyway. which must be even harder to accept comming from someone who has yet to acctually READ on of your books. I did get a copy of LIFERS today, which will hopefully keep me busy untill TEC comes out.

    You’ve created a hell of a buzz around this one. I’m very much looking forward to it.

    ps. some crazy guy in a mask gave me this link and said that you knew something about the password…?

  8. jsomers (Post author)


    Thanks! I agree that the Zen art of following someone who looks like they know where they’re going is one of the best things I’ve ever seen. Adams was a genius, and is sorely missed.

    Unfortunately, I cannot accept responsibility for the mental wellness of my readers. But we can all gather yearly in a pub and drink our sorrows away.

    Feel free to nick the motto, or anything else–cheers!


  9. jsomers (Post author)


    Despite the fact that I now love you for buying “Lifers”, I can’t help you with the codes, sorry. But you feel my love, don’t you?

    “Lifers” is a different animal than TEC in many ways; hope you like it!


  10. Adam C

    To Jeff Somers, the Douglas Adams of the 21st century. Hear, hear!

  11. Dragonsnake
  12. Brooklyn Frank

    Writers of all stripes tend to LOVE Douglas Adams, I’ve noticed. Just a silly observation. Carry on.


    “Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small, unregarded yellow sun.
    Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think that digital watches are a pretty neat idea.”

    -DA, HHGG

  13. jsomers (Post author)

    The Great Zaganza said: “You are very fat and stupid and persistently wear a ridiculous hat which you should be ashamed of.”

  14. Adam C

    Jeff, in all of the bars you frequent, just be sure to avoid Stavro Mueller Beta.

  15. jsomers (Post author)


    No worries–I know exactly where I’m going to die. It’s on Route 27 in New Jersey. As long as I avoid this spot, I am effectively immortal.


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