Friends, every author dreams of the day that he or she hits the big time. But how do you know you’ve hit the big time? Is it when you don’t have to siphon booze out of your neighbor’s bottles during parties in order to drink like a civilized human being? Is it when you have people on the payroll who do absolutely nothing? Is it when you actually have a payroll? Is it when the police, coming upon you once again pantsless and inebriated on a park bench after a night of “research” for your latest novel, drive you home instead of beating you senseless and forcing you to wash their squad car the next day while you shiver with hangover pain?

No, friends, you know you have hit it big when your novels turn up on file-sharing networks.

That’s right, I am proud to say that if you go looking, you can now find both my novels as HTML files, complete with full text – including copyright notices – and a nice JPG of the cover. I AM HUGE. Now all I need is for someone to start up a fan-made encyclopedia that I can sue, and my fame will be permanent.

Back to “research”.


  1. Nemesis0

    That’s excellent.

    Next you can get some guys to make you some audio versions of the books for free and you can sell bootlegs at appearances. or throw them in CD form at people that walk by you on the street.

  2. jsomers (Post author)

    Hmmmn…throwing CDs at strangers sounds like my kind of promotion! The best part is, you don’t really need to waste any time burning anything onto the CDs. Blank ones will have exactly the same promotional effect.

    Thanks for the idea!


  3. Craig

    “Blank ones will have exactly the same promotional effect” made me choke on my Diet Coke!

    By the way, I was all ready “to start up a fan-made encyclopedia” until I got to the part about being sued. Then again, it would probably entail work, wouldn’t it? If so, count me out again.

  4. jsomers (Post author)


    I’m afraid I must sue you simply for using my copyrighted phrase “fan-made encyclopedia”. It’s a shame, really; I liked you.


  5. Chris Eldin

    Ya’ll are sick.
    I kinda like it.

  6. jsomers (Post author)

    We’re sick? You’re the Sicky enjoying sickness here, bubba, not I. I excrete sickness, but I do not *enjoy* it. Pervert.


Comments are closed.