Last night, through a series of bizarre events I can’t even begin to describe, I watched a random episode of Castle on ABC. Now, Castle isn’t an SF show, unless you consider the concept of a crime novel author being allowed to partner with a detective in the NYPD to help investigate homicides to be “augmented reality”, which of course it is. “Augmented reality” being code for complete bullshit, but let that slide – TV shows have a storied history of crazy concepts delivered with a straight face.
It’s not a terrible show, saved by Nathan Fillion‘s infinite charm and occasional bouts of clever dialogue. Not exactly a show I’m going to schedule my life around, but if it’s on I might stick around for an hour and watch it. This, despite the fact that interspersed with the clever dialog are lengthy stretches of Bad Writing. Specifically, the form of Bad Writing known as The Dummy Double Tap.
DDT is a simple concept: Assume your audience is a crowd of lowing morons and write down to that image by having characters utter completely unnecessary clarifying statements. Things which are perfectly clear to anyone with half a brain get underscored by someone spelling it out for the Slow Kids in a way that no one actually does in real life. For example, in this episode a suspect had earlier stated that he was at a party from midnight until 3AM and then at home, providing himself an alibi for the murder. Later, the police follow up on this alibi (paraphrased because I can’t be bothered to get the exact wording):
DETECTIVE: The club said he was only there from 11:30 until Midnight.
CASTLE: But he told us he was there until three!
The audience heard the suspect say that about thirteen minutes before this, so the assumption is that we don’t have the brain power to retain that information for thirteen minutes and make the rather obvious connection that the suspect is lying about his alibi. Are there people in the world this stupid? Sure, I’d assume so. Are they a significant portion of the population, and hence the potential audience for a generic show like Castle? I hope not, for if they are, civilization is doomed. Another example: Early in the investigation they discover that the murder victim, who everyone adamantly denied would ever use drugs, had diet pills in her system. While interviewing folks, the detectives are told that one of the suspects once crushed up a diet pill in someone’s drink in order to sabotage them. The detective character and Castle then proceed to explain that maybe the suspect did the same thing to the victim! BECAUSE WE ARE APPARENTLY INCAPABLE OF MAKING THIS OBVIOUS CONNECTION OURSELVES. <Head explodes>
If you removed the Dummy Double Tap lines, the show would only be forty minutes long with commercials, and only slightly improved, as the story I saw was pretty boring and bland. The scenes with Nathan Fillion’s Castle character at home were much better – lighthearted and humorous, with some decent lines and no need for DDT because, I assume, no plot was being advanced so the producers decided that if the audience couldn’t follow the complex interactions of Castle, his mother, and his daughter nothing would be lost. And Fillion’s fun to watch.
To be completely fair, since I started writing this little essay we watched another episode and it wasn’t nearly as bad, without much DDT at all, although I can now see that every episode follows the well-worn trope of having the main suspect change every five minutes as new information is discovered – usually due to terrible, terrible police work. As in, a complete failure to ask simple questions that would have solved the crime immediately. That aside, however, I think Fillion can ride his Firefly goodwill a few years on something like this. Why not?
Correction: Castle, who is friends with the mayor, asked to shadow a detective for research purposes for a new series he’s writing about a female detective. The fact that he helps the investigations with his extreme wit and deduction skills is secondary.
He’s often told to shut up because he’s supposed to be observing only. Everything else is factual.
I love Castle and will defend it blindly. I love it.
I love it.
what was that, dan? could you repeat it – i didn’t catch it
hmm. must be why i like that friggin show.
DAN LURVES CASTLE. Aw, hell, that’s okay. We can’t all be watching Mad Men with our pinky in the air, can we? I still call bullshit on the whole writer working cases, though, and nothing you say will dissuade me – nay, not even real-life examples of it actually happening!
J
Alex,
I’ve hit a nerve, obviously. I’ll stipulate that Bad Writing does not actually make a show not-entertaining. Just ask my wife about Grey’s Anatomy, which will eventually be text for future writing classes on what Not to Do. Unless you want to have a highly-rated TV show, of course.
J
Jeff,
Naaa – I totally agree with you…even the shows that are enjoyable have their flaws.
i just felt like being a sarcastic SOB – call it my “inner avery”?
True, it is unlikely. Or impossible. And the DDT thing is cringe-inducing. Now that I’ve been writing for a while, things like this are more obvious. Which makes it harder to be entertained.
I think the show could be about palsied water buffalo and I’d still watch. Nathan Fillion is simply a treat, and Stana Katic is the hottest thing next to Michaela Conlin aka Angela Montenegro from Bones.
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