The Disturbing Haikus

So, as part of my quarterly I’M MISTER SOMERS LOOK AT ME! newsletter, I do a giveaway. Sometimes this is a couple of signed books, sometimes it’s a new short story no one else has ever seen, sometimes it’s something else (you should totally sign up–see a link on the right of this page). I usually make folks have a little fun with it, and for the March update I asked people to write haikus, because why not?

And I’ll tell you, I learned something about myself. Namely that everyone just assumes I am drunk all then time. Because just about every haiku submitted pivoted on the subject of Jeff being pants-wettingly drunk. Here are a few examples:

Only when he drinks

do the words come out with flare

The cats desire food

#

Darkness at High Noon.

Avery Cates is missing

“Another whiskey.”

#

Whiskey without rocks

Plus Somers without pants makes

Writing without rules

#

Whiskey charged Somers,

Spills his dark mind on paper,

But won’t spill bourbon.

On the one hand, it’s awesome that folks put so much thought into this. On the other hand, I think … I think I need to assess my lifestyle.

Now, go sign up for my newsletter so you too can disturb and horrify men in future giveaways.

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